My problem with weres

So I am many things. I love a lot of different genres and I write a lot of different genres. I can appreciate a lot of the paranormal/supernatural stuff, and I’m not against a good romance. But there is one thing I just cannot get in my head at all.

Who the hell would want to get on a werewolf?

Yeah, yeah, ‘Boooo, Zillah’s the devil!’ I know, I know. I just have a hard time getting behind that genre in general, but especially in the romance category. It just seems like it’s two steps away from something illegal.

Now I’ve read some great werewolf fiction. I’m especially fond of the anthology ‘Wolfsbane and Mistletoe,’ but in general I just can’t get into the were genre. I mean if I was attracted to someone and he turned into an animal in front of me…I don’t know if I could handle that. Maybe in terms of like urban fantasy and he was some sort of cursed elf or something (No, I don’t know why that makes things different, but for some reason it does for me.). But I think if any guy I was on a date with turned into a wolf, even if he was trying to defend my honor or something, I may just have use the bathroom excuse and run like hell. I like wolves. I just don’t want anyone I’m with to turn into one. I’ve read some nice cat shifter romance, but even then I kind of have to force myself to finish it if it involves too much shifting. I don’t know why this bothers me. I’m fine with vampires, I’m fine with magical creatures, I’m down with a lot of weird plot devices. I just cannot wrap my head around the thought of dating someone who would turn into something else. And then having to be intimate with them. I mean how do you know where they’ve been while they’ve been an animal!? I don’t care if they’re still technically them – they’ve been running around naked outdoors and getting into everything!

Seriously, I think I would cry if that happened. Think of it! You’re out having coffee with a guy who actually appears sane, has a job, has table manners, and doesn’t come off like a stalker or a serial killer (actually that alone would be worthy of a supernatural romance plot because that never happens.) The conversation’s going great, he’s not footing you with the bill and suddenly, out of the blue some punk comes in to rob the place. And being the gallant guy your date is, he turns into a giant wolf/cat/alligator/stag  and tackles the guy to save the day.

No, I’m sorry, I still couldn’t deal with that. I would definitely play the bathroom card. And possibly give up dating for the rest of my life.

I don’t know if it’s because I don’t want that kind of responsibility or that much surprise in my life…no, it’s still the fact that I don’t want anyone I’m intimate with to turn into a bloody animal. Well, metaphorically I’m down with that, but not literally.

Genre-wise, I just find it a little…I dunno. I’m all for politics and the like, because I love vampire fiction and there’s a lot of the hierarchy and such in vamp lit, too. There’s just not that x-factor for me in were-lit that pulls me in. I get bored reading about pack conflicts; I got tired of keeping track of which group hated who and what person was on the outs with which group in high school. The genre just needs some new angles. I like wolves, wolves are good, but they’re so overdone. Cats are better, sexy in their own right, but still, been there. I feel like if I was turned into a werewolf or cat or something I would be so bored with myself. There need to be new options.

Like were-unicorns. Seriously, how great would that be? Randomly once a month, full moon and BAM! you turn into a mythical horse. But what’s really great is remember the whole quirk about unicorns and who can see/be around them? So how would that work if someone who wasn’t a virgin was bitten by a unicorn? I feel like there’s a GREAT opportunity for angst there. Forget the whole emo vampire self-hatred! No one would do self-hatred like a sexually active were-unicorn.

Were-mermaids could also be fun. You’d have to have some good friends or a really good plan depending on where you lived. Maybe you’d just have to buy a pool or always be near pools or fish tanks or something. But still, I think turning into a mermaid every so often would be much more interesting. It would be like being thrown into the movie ‘Splash’ every so often.

Were-pixies maybe? Were-banshees might be pleasantly traumatizing.

But I definitely have my favorite, the one that I would hands-down be in a heartbeat if I had to be a were or a shifter. I propose we start a new were-subcategory as soon as possible that combines the best of all worlds: were-dinosaurs.

How amazing would it be to be a were-dinosaur?! I would be a were-raptor. And not only that, but if it went by the full moon I would use the rest of the month to come up with a list of anyone that I was irritated at so that when I turned into a raptor I could sneak into their houses, hide in their kitchens, and re-enact that scene from Jurassic Park.

Oh come on, you know you’d do it, too.

And the whole hierarchy/pack thing would be easy because different people would turn into different types of dinosaurs! Plus they’d have to hide from humans who’d be convinced it was all part of some weird cloning/genetic experiment, so you’d please the sci-fi fans, too!

Or maybe it’s just time for me to get some sleep. That could be it, too.

 

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~ by admin on November 8, 2011.

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